There was a season of my life when I worked in corporate America as a product developer. On paper, it was impressive. I would tell people what I did for a living, and I always got the same response: "That sounds so cool!" Sometimes I got to be creative, sometimes strategic. It was almost always fast-paced, balancing 15 projects and an inbox full of emails.
And I remember the rush of walking into a grocery store and seeing something I helped create sitting on the shelf. Dang, that felt good. But if I’m honest, that feeling was sharp and short-lived. It was on the couch in my own therapist's office that I said for the first time, "I think I'm just feeding my ego."
Eventually I realized that spike was the only part of the job that felt nourishing. Everything else required me to shape-shift. To present a certain way. To speak in language that didn’t feel fully mine. To sometimes push the edges of the truth. To measure myself by output, performance, and perception.
The deeper fulfillment wasn’t there, and that realization led me to a question I still return to often:
Am I just feeding my ego, or am I living in alignment with my values?
What It Looks Like to Feed the Ego
Feeding the ego isn’t inherently bad. We all like that feeling of recognition and achievement. We're social beings wired for connection, so this comes very naturally to us. But ego-driven choices tend to revolve around:
• Status
• Image
• External validation
• Comparison
• Winning
• Looking successful
The feeling is often intense but fleeting, like a high followed by emptiness, or a need for the next milestone.
The ego asks:
How do I look?
Am I impressive enough?
Do they approve of me?
In environments like corporate culture, where performance and optics matter, it’s easy to get caught on this treadmill without realizing it. You can start organizing your life around perception rather than meaning.
What It Feels Like to Follow Your Values
Values feel different. They are steadier and less flashy. They might not always earn applause and they tend to not be glamorous at all. But they create this sense of being at home in your own skin.
Values-based choices tend to revolve around:
• Integrity
• Authenticity
• Contribution
• Growth
• Compassion
• Freedom
When you act from your values, the satisfaction isn’t always euphoric. It’s grounded.
The question shifts from
How do I look?
to
Is this aligned with who the kind of person I want to be?
There is less urgency and less comparison. And there's much more clarity that involves being able to sleep at night with the confidence that you are the person you want to be.
How to Tell the Difference
If you’re unsure whether you’re feeding your ego or following your values, try asking:
-
If no one ever knew I did this, would it still matter to me? (My answer to this question was enough to change careers.)
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If this stopped impressing people tomorrow, would I still choose it?
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Does this choice require me to disconnect from parts of myself?
-
Do I feel expanded or contracted when I imagine continuing this path? (If the idea of doing the same thing 5 years from now makes you shudder, that's a huge clue.)
Ego-driven paths often feel performative and dependent on external feedback. Values-driven paths feel spacious and certain, even when they are challenging.
This doesn’t have to mean leaving corporate America. It doesn’t mean becoming a therapist like I did. It doesn’t have to mean blowing up your life (unless you want to!). It simply means becoming honest about what is actually nourishing you.
You can work in a corporate role and live deeply aligned with your values. You can also stay very busy achieving and slowly drift away from yourself. The difference isn’t the job title, but the motivation underneath it all.
A Gentle Invitation
If you feel like you’re on a hamster wheel, chasing the next accomplishment but feeling oddly disconnected… pause. Just to notice. Are you organizing your life around image, or around meaning? Are you chasing a feeling, or building a life that reflects who you truly are?
That distinction can change everything.
In my work as a holistic therapist, I support thoughtful, high-capacity women who feel that quiet disconnect. Women who are capable, accomplished, and still wondering why something feels off.
Together, we slow things down.
We explore your values through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
We gently work with the nervous system using somatic approaches.
We untangle anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, exhaustion, and the pressure to perform.
If this resonates, you’re welcome to explore us working together. The work is steady, collaborative, and grounded in deep respect for your pace and discernment.
Alignment rarely comes from chasing harder. It comes from listening more closely.
