Exhaustion can grow quickly when you don’t feel heard in medical spaces. It often begins in a very ordinary way, such as a symptom that doesn’t make sense, or a change in your body that feels unfamiliar. You make an appointment because you want clarity or some sense of direction. When you get to the appointment, you try to explain what you’re noticing in a way that feels accurate and not "overly emotional."
All too often, something in the interaction with your provider doesn’t quite land. The provider is kind but you can sense that they're in a hurry. Maybe the conversation moves quickly toward reassurance, or toward a simple explanation that doesn’t fully match your experience. Inevitably, stress is mentioned. "Are you anxious?" "You might just be depressed." "Your labs look fine." The visit ends, you leave without a clear understanding of what is happening in your body, and you start convincing yourself it's all in your head.
Most people don’t walk out of that first appointment thinking something harmful has occurred. They try again, making another appointment. They gather their thoughts more carefully and explain their symptoms in a different way, hoping it will translate more clearly this time. When the same pattern repeats, something begins to happen internally. Confusion starts to mix with self-doubt, and this is where the experience often begins to take on a different weight.
Let's Talk About Medical Gaslighting
Medical gaslighting is the term used when a person’s symptoms or concerns are dismissed, minimized, or reframed in a way that causes them to question their own perception of what is happening in their body.
It's usually not intentional, and it is not always obvious in the moment. It can sound like being told that your labs are normal, without further curiosity about why you still feel unwell. It can look like persistent fatigue being attributed to stress & depression, without exploring other physiological contributors. It can be the suggestion of, "It's anxiety," when you're trying to describe something much more complex.
In real time, it can feel pretty disorienting. You walk into the appointment feeling certain that something is off. You leave wondering if you explained it incorrectly or if you are overinterpreting what you feel. That movement from trust in your body to questioning your own experience is where the negative impact begins to accumulate.
Sexism in the Medical Field
This pattern does not happen equally across all groups. Women are much more likely to have their symptoms interpreted through a psychological lens before a physiological one. There is a long history behind this. In earlier periods of medicine, women were labeled as being "in hysterics" when their symptoms were not understood. While that language is no longer used, the underlying bias has not fully disappeared, and it negatively affects women to this day.
This is not just a subjective opinion. Current research reflects this. For example, women experiencing heart attacks are more likely than men to be told their symptoms are related to anxiety. That delay in recognition can affect the care they receive. When this happens repeatedly, it reinforces a pattern where women’s reports of their own bodies are questioned before they are fully investigated. Ultimately, this affects womens' quality of life.
At the same time, it helps to understand the structure of the medical system itself. Western medicine is largely built around an emergency model. It is highly effective when something acute and clearly identifiable is happening. It is designed for situations that require fast decisions, fast fixes, and targeted interventions.
Chronic and complex conditions don't fit well into that structure. These conditions may not show up clearly on standard lab work, they often involve multiple systems, and they change over time. Appointments are typically short, and providers are trained to look for patterns that match established diagnoses. When those patterns are not present, there is often limited space to continue exploring. Some providers do not have the time, some do not have the training, and some are more comfortable staying within familiar frameworks. And sadly, most of them are burned out from a broken healthcare system (by no fault of their own).
For patients, this can feel like reaching the edge of what the system is able to offer. When this happens, we succumb to low (or lower) quality of life. And as things worsen, we start to feel pretty hopeless.
This is part of why many people begin to explore functional or integrative medicine. These approaches tend to look at how different systems in the body interact and how symptoms evolve over time. They often allow for longer conversations and more individualized assessment. For many people, this is the first time their full history is considered in a connected way. Functional medicine is sometimes (inaccurately) dismissed as pseudoscience, but much of its approach is rooted in asking broader, systems-based questions that conventional models do not always have the capacity to address.
Trauma and Medical Gaslighting
When someone has repeated experiences of not being heard, the impact extends beyond the cognitive level. The nervous system begins to respond to medical environments as if they are unpredictable or unsafe, and this can show up in different ways.
Some people find themselves becoming more agreeable in appointments. Women realistically have to worry about being seen as "too emotional," or once again, their symptoms won't be taken seriously. They soften their language, minimize their symptoms, or quickly go along with suggestions even when those suggestions don't fully address the problem (if at all). This is a form of a fawn response, where maintaining the relationship feels more important than advocating for their own experience.
Others begin to avoid medical care altogether, and start postponing or canceling appointments. These people still care a lot about their health, but develop this response due to repeated interactions that have felt invalidating or discouraging.
There can also be a noticeable increase in anxiety leading up to appointments. The body becomes more alert in the waiting room, while thoughts become focused on how to explain everything clearly enough to be taken seriously. Even with a supportive provider, the body can carry the memory of previous experiences and respond accordingly.
"Am I Crazy?"
Over time, many people notice a shift in how they relate to their own bodies. They stop trusting themselves. There is a growing uncertainty about whether their symptoms are valid or whether they are somehow misinterpreting what they feel. This internal conflict can be one of the most painful parts of the experience. And the self-doubt? That's the unmistakable impact of trauma.
Naming what is happening can bring a sense of clarity. It allows people to understand that their reactions are not random. They are responses to a pattern of not being met with curiosity, care, or thorough investigation. The anxiety, the hesitation to speak up, and the defensiveness all begin to make more sense in that context.
There is space to recognize both the strengths and the limitations of the current medical system. It is capable of life-saving care, and it also struggles with conditions that are complex, chronic, and not easily categorized. Similarly, functional medicine wouldn't be the appropriate medical model in an emergency room. If you really are in the midst of a heart attack, now is not the time for a stool or hormone test! The western medical system and functional medicine are both important models, but will both fail people when not used in appropriate situations.
If you have felt unheard in medical spaces, your response to that experience is not excessive. It reflects the way your body and mind have adapted to repeated moments where your reality was not fully acknowledged, or worse, completely dismissed. This is why the basis of my practice is to honor the bi-directional relationship between mental and physical health. Many physical health conditions (or deficits) can lead to mental health symptoms. Being medically gaslit also causes mental health symptoms. And chronic stress or trauma can certainly cause physical health imbalances over time. Mind and body aren't separate. They are one.
